Let me say the quiet part loudly, as I do every week: the standings are a lagging indicator, the all-play table is the ledger, and five weeks of data is enough for the distinction to matter. Obviously.

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Ryan Weaver) — 5-0, 47-8 all-play Weaver's all-play record isn't close to anyone else's, which is the only reason I'll permit a 5-0 team to sit atop a ranking built on skepticism of 5-0 teams. A 47-8 mark across five weeks (he's beaten the field in roughly six games out of every seven) is not variance, it's a gap in roster construction the rest of the league needs to answer for. Christian Watson's 32.3 and Parker Washington's 30.4 did the heavy lifting this week, and he still only needed 146. The numbers were never in question.

2. TacoDreams (Nick Inman) — 3-2, 36-19 all-play Inman is 3-2 in reality and would be somewhere around 4-1 or better in a world that scored every game against the full field, which is the only world I recognize. His 36-19 all-play mark actually beats Trent Harley's 31-24, which means one of this league's two unbeaten teams is getting outplayed by a 3-2 team every single week. Puka Nacua's 37.7 and Bucky Irving's 31.5 this week are the kind of production his actual record has been wasting. He remains the league's perennial basement dweller historically, which makes this current form almost suspicious in the good way.

3. Diamond Dogs (Justin Waitt) — 2-3, 33-22 all-play A 2-3 record sitting on a 33-22 all-play mark is the single clearest evidence of schedule mismanagement in this league, and Waitt should be furious about it on my behalf even if he isn't on his own. Josh Allen dropped 33.5 and Jaxon Smith-Njigba added 22.8 in a loss. That's not bad roster building, that's bad luck wearing a jersey, and his -0.2 luck delta backs it up exactly.

4. bcunnion (Ben Cunnion) — 3-2, 32-23 all-play Three championships in the career file have earned Cunnion a permanent slot on my Fraud Watch, and for once this season's numbers aren't cooperating with the accusation. A 32-23 all-play mark and a luck delta of 0.018 mean his 3-2 start is, infuriatingly, almost exactly what the field says it should be. Aaron Rodgers and James Cook combined for over 50 points this week in a real win, no asterisk required. Fraud Watch status: unchanged, under advisement, mostly out of spite.

5. 4th and 20 (Evan Sinn) — 2-3, 32-23 all-play Sinn's reputation for a charmed schedule has apparently expired, with a luck delta of -0.182 that's the second-worst mark in the Odd Ducks division, trailing only Ollie Simmonds's -0.218. A 37.7 from Jahmyr Gibbs and 36.8 from Jaylen Warren produced a 154-point outburst this week and he's still only 2-3, which tells you how bad his first four weeks were. His all-play number says he belongs here. His record says the schedule finally found him.

6. ParmBijan Cheese (Trent Harley) — 5-0, 31-24 all-play Harley is undefeated and his all-play record is a 31-24, meaning the field would have beaten him nearly as often as not across five full weeks. His luck delta sits at 0.436, the single most indefensible figure in this entire power rankings exercise, full stop. Joe Burrow's 32.6 papered over a lot this week. I have written this sentence about him three weeks running and I intend to keep writing it until the schedule makers catch up to the math.

7. All Gas No Drakes (Elliott Simmonds) — 1-4, 27-28 all-play Simmonds is 1-4 with an all-play mark that's basically a coin flip, and a -0.291 luck delta that is the worst figure in the field. Drake Maye going for 47.46 in a loss is the kind of week that should end a season's worth of frustration and instead just adds to the file. A one-game losing streak sounds almost quaint next to a season that's produced one win in five tries.

8. Chase Greatness (John Penney) — 3-2, 21-34 all-play I'll say this with the discomfort it deserves: Penney, who I've long argued is the best manager this league has produced, currently owns a positive luck delta (+0.218) sitting on top of a 21-34 all-play record. This is, strictly speaking, the exact profile I spend my column dragging other managers for. A 60.7-point week with Ja'Marr Chase topping out at 19.7 did him no favors. I remain on his side. The spreadsheet, this week, is not.

9. Wade for Heisman (Kevin Jones) — 2-3, 20-35 all-play Jones has three championships in his career file and none of that resume shows up in a 20-35 all-play mark that places him in the bottom third of this league. A three-game losing streak remains very much alive; Matthew Golden's 20.3 wasn't enough support around him. Obviously, a title-laden career buys you nothing in Week 5 of a different season.

10. ArabMamba6 (Ryan El Masri) — 1-4, 20-35 all-play El Masri's all-play record is identical to Kevin Jones's, which tells you precisely how little separates ninth from tenth in this league's muddled middle. Malik Nabers's 29.1 this week went to waste in a loss, and a career record of 10-18 across his small sample isn't trending the other direction yet.

11. Cameron Crazies (Brian Jones) — 3-2, 19-36 all-play A 3-2 record on a 19-36 all-play mark is the most statistically fraudulent résumé in the league not currently holding a trophy, and I include Cunnion's three rings in that comparison deliberately. Matthew Stafford's 33.32 carried a win this week that the underlying numbers say he had no business getting. A champion in his career file, sure. A lucky one in 2026, also sure.

12. Sir, TheyHitThe2ndBowers (Ollie Simmonds) — 0-5, 12-43 all-play There is no defense here and I'm not going to manufacture one. A 12-43 all-play record is the worst in the league by a wide margin, and 0-5 is simply the standings catching up to a team the field has beaten 43 times out of 55 tries. George Pickens's 28 and Trevor Lawrence's 26.74 went into a loss this week, same as every week. Ollie's history includes a runner-up finish, which only makes the current freefall stranger.

The all-play table remains the only honest document in this league, and I will keep publishing it whether the two unbeaten teams in this column like the results or not.