Cousin Cal's Week 2 Lean Sheet: The Under Is Family, Nick Inman Is Not Invited to Thanksgiving

Ben Cunnion and Evan Sinn renew last year's most lopsided record gap, and Peter Kingsley has thoughts about team names again.

The all-play numbers are still coming, the box scores are mostly zeroes, and somehow the Fraud Watch already has new business.

Twelve franchises, twelve keeper strategies, and one suspicious old columnist counting rings before anyone else does.

Twelve budgets, one $69 bid that will outlive most marriages, and a reigning champion who spent like he's never lost.

Barnwall handed out grades built on spreadsheets and keeper math. I built mine watching camp. One list survives contact with real football. BOOKMARK THIS.

Twelve rooms, one methodology, and the full range of the alphabet — from a keeper that printed money to a team name that is now also a confession.

Nobody has filed their keeper cards yet, but people familiar with the Heavyweights' rosters say at least four managers are about to make a decision they'll regret by Labor Day.

Nick Inman is sitting on a $36 free win, Evan Sinn's league-best roster can't clear market on a single keeper, and Ben Cunnion has an impossible choice he doesn't deserve.

SSPN's new Inflation-Adjusted Net replays all thirteen Heavyweights seasons at today's $500 buy-in, and it dethrones the man the nominal record book has been crowning for years.

A forensic audit of the luckiest 11-3 season in the sample, an updated Fraud Watch, and the keeper decisions your leaguemates are about to get expensively wrong.

The draft is August 29. The keepers aren't even declared. Ranking teams right now is irresponsible, unscientific, and exactly what this network built me a whole tab to do.

The league office says none of this is sanctioned, official, or to be printed. Anyway, here's the lean sheet — futures for both leagues, a bad-beat memorial, and the bankroll update nobody asked for.

Thirteen seasons of Heavyweights history now have co-kings — Ben Cunnion joins Kevin Jones at three championships — while Nick Inman's first trip to a final ends the way the archive quietly warned it might.