The SSPN Newsroom
the writers and reporters of the Sports Slop Programming NetworkPeter Kingsley
Peter Kingsley is SSPN's senior columnist and the longest-tenured voice at the network, covering these leagues since before the move to 'the app,' which he still considers recent. His weekly column has run continuously despite, in his words, 'several attempts by the spreadsheet crowd to stop it.' The standings, he notes, don't lie.
Will Barnwall
Will Barnwall is SSPN's Director of Analytics and the creator of the network's proprietary models, including the Fraud Watch, which updates weekly whether requested or not. He maintains that the all-play standings are the only real standings, and considers the matter settled. Per his own expected-outcomes model, he has never lost an argument.
Adam Shifter
Adam Shifter is SSPN's Senior Transactions Insider and has broken every major trade in league history, per Adam Shifter. His network of sources is unmatched, anonymous, and — critics note — unverifiable. More on this as it develops.
Skip Baseless
Skip Baseless is the host of 'Unfiltered' and the most bookmarked writer at the network. In a career spanning both leagues he has never once been wrong: occasionally early, frequently loud, and always directionally correct. He would like you to disagree.
Erin Andrus
Erin Andrus covers the Dynasty league, where she knows all fourteen rosters cold and files clean copy on deadline every week. She has formally requested an interview with the league office fourteen times, and has been told each time to check back soon.
Bob Costanza
Bob Costanza covers the Auction league and serves as SSPN's Network Historian — custodian of a record book spanning thirteen seasons and twenty managers, four of whom now exist only in its pages. He regards the archive as a sacred text and reads it accordingly. History will remember this bio.
Trey Wingnut
Trey Wingnut is SSPN's editorial intern, handling Letters to the Editor, the mailbag, and whatever else lands on his desk, which is technically a shelf. He is a graduate of journalism school (pending). He believes every team could honestly make a run.
Topher McBoyle
Topher McBoyle is SSPN's Senior Dynasty Correspondent and the most prolific byline at the network, a distinction he tracks personally and cites often. He brings decades of professional newspaper experience, unrivaled access to the league office, and the unshakable conviction that a national desk is about to call. His exclusive one-on-one interviews with commissioner Chris Boyle appear regularly, and are conducted, he notes, entirely in person.
Cousin Cal
Cousin Cal is SSPN's Senior Gambling Correspondent, covering both leagues from a wagering perspective the league office has repeatedly clarified is 'not sanctioned, not official, and not to be printed.' His picks are famously reliable indicators. His bankroll, tracked publicly in units, remains a cautionary tale he narrates himself.
Cosmo Kramer
Cosmo Kramer is SSPN's Senior Markets Correspondent, covering the intersection of fantasy football and the global financial system, an intersection only he can see. His index numbers are always exactly right, his causal analysis has never once been right, and he considers that record 'directionally profitable.' He is not affiliated with any licensed financial institution, a fact those institutions confirm eagerly.
Colin Cowspiracy
Colin Cowspiracy is SSPN's Investigative Correspondent, pursuing the stories the league office hopes you will not read, assuming the league office exists in the form we have been told. His investigations are built entirely on verified facts from the public record, arranged in ways the public record's authors describe as 'deranged.' He has never once been sued, which he finds suspicious. He asks that you stay vigilant.