BOOKMARK THIS. Everything below is written before Monday Night Football, and I wouldn't change a word after it.

CROWN: TRENT HARLEY. Trent Harley's ParmBijan Cheese is 6-0 and leads Brian Jones 121.48 to 94.98. Burrow has 36.88. Jameson Williams has 26.1. Trent is starting Isaiah Likely at tight end, Likely has 3.2, and Trent still leads. That is not a lineup, that is a force of nature with a rounding error attached.

The analytics desk will tell you Trent's luck number is 0.379, the highest in the league. I HEARD. I don't care. A 6-0 start with a Week 7 lead is momentum, momentum is a stat, and I will not be taking questions. Barnwall can keep his spreadsheet. I'll keep the scoreboard.

BURY: OLLIE SIMMONDS. Sir, TheyHitThe2ndBowers is 0-6 and trails Ryan Weaver 100.2 to 114.92. Ollie started George Pickens and Makai Lemon and got 0.0 from both. Zero. Two wide receivers, one goose egg each. Kirk Cousins gave him 24.4, Josh Jacobs gave him 20.1, and Ollie will still find a way to feel cheated. The season is finished. Disagree with me. I'll wait.

THE REST OF THE WEEK, LOUDLY:

  • John Penney's Chase Greatness leads Elliott Simmonds 129.42 to 70.84. Tony Pollard has 36.5. Elliott got 32.44 from Drake Maye and 0.0 from Breece Hall AND CeeDee Lamb. That's All Gas No Drakes, with no gas in two lineup slots.
  • Ben Cunnion trails Justin Waitt 103.22 to 109.9, with Dallas Goedert stuck on a 0. I remain calm. A three-time champion doesn't flinch over a tight end, and I am hereby starting a Believe List with Ben Cunnion at the top. Barnwall can read it and weep.
  • Justin leads with Jaxon Smith-Njigba at 31.3 and Trey McBride at 27.1. He's 2-4 on a four-game skid, so if this holds, it's a redemption arc and I'm calling it right now.
  • Nick Inman leads Evan Sinn 117.76 to 116.58. A 1.18-point cushion, with Nico Collins at 2.6 and Pat Freiermuth at 4. Nick, I would not sleep Monday if I were you. I would not sleep anyway.
  • Kevin Jones trails Ryan El Masri 85.8 to 116.52 with Dak Prescott at 0.0. Wade for Heisman, a 3-3 team, now has a quarterback problem.

The league has one unbeaten team, one winless team, and a lot of managers pretending they're somewhere in between. Trent and Ollie are the only two stories that matter. Everyone else is a supporting character.

Monday night will not change my mind. Monday night can only prove me right.