Elliott Simmonds is now 7-0, and the way he got there this week should concern anyone still holding a playoff ticket. His DELAWARE CHICKEN FARMER'S scored 183.06 against Chris Boyle's The Epitome of Brutality, the highest total in the league this week. Trey McBride gave him 32.1, Jaxon Smith-Njigba gave him 31.3, and Drake Maye added 28.44. His two weakest starters, Bryce Young (7.42) and Rashod Bateman (5.3), would not have looked out of place in several other lineups in this league.

The all-play math is the real story. Elliott beat every team in the building this week, a 13-0 sweep that moves his season mark to 79-12. Nobody else is close. Charlie Koepsell is second at 65-26.

The commissioner's afternoon

Boyle's 118.22 was the sixth-highest score of the week. Luther Burden III (23.7), Caleb Williams (22.12) and Drake London (19.6) all did their jobs. His two weakest starters were tight ends Tyler Higbee (4.4) and Isaiah Likely (4.2), which is how a team scores 118 and still feels like it left something on the table. Boyle is 4-3 with a 61-30 all-play record, one of the better marks in the league, and a luck delta of -0.099 says the schedule has been unkind to him. Per league sources, he will not be filing a complaint with himself.

Hunter Koepsell, still searching for a win

Hunter Koepsell scored 69.02, the lowest total of the week. Jake Ferguson and AJ Dillon each returned zero. Deshaun Watson (19.22) and D'Andre Swift (19) tried to carry the load and could not. Hunter is 0-7 with a seven-game losing streak and an 18-73 all-play record.

His conqueror, Joe Hamm, won with 98.4 points while starting Jayden Daniels and Khalil Shakir, who combined for zero. Quinshon Judkins (23.4) and Tre Tucker (21.3) covered for them. A choice was made, twice, and both times it paid nothing. Joe is 2-5 and has won two straight. Hunter is the only team in the league without a win.

Everyone else

Charlie Koepsell's Long Hair Dont Care beat Ryan Weaver's Bock Bock Bitch 160.36 to 91.64. Charlie started two quarterbacks, and Joe Burrow (28.88) and Geno Smith (24.48) both delivered. Charlie is 6-1 and on a three-game streak. Weaver is 1-6 with a 13-78 all-play record and 664.16 points scored, both the worst figures in the league. Baker Mayfield (6.66) and Garrett Wilson (4.6) were his weakest starters.

Sean Gibbins got the single biggest individual score of the week, 36.5 from Tony Pollard. It carried Sean's team to a 165.92-87.6 win over Jamie Sinn's Tuten that thang up. Jamie got 23.28 from Dak Prescott and nothing from Tyler Warren, a zero. Sean is 4-3, and Jamie has lost two in a row to fall to 3-4.

Tareq Hafza's Shadynasty beat Evan Sinn 139.08 to 99, behind Bo Nix (26.18) and Rhamondre Stevenson (22.5). Evan's team is named Evan Sinn, a branding decision I will leave to the reader. He is 1-6 with five straight losses and the league's worst luck delta at -0.275. He has also scored 787.04 points this season, more than Ben Cunnion's 5-2 team has managed, so the record flatters no one but the schedule makers.

Speaking of Ben, he beat Brian Jones' ShitCo Summer 108.62 to 95.06, led by Tee Higgins (26.8) and Omar Cooper Jr. (22.5). He is 5-2 with a 43-48 all-play record and the league's highest luck delta at 0.242. I will let those numbers sit there without comment. They are capable.

Justin Waitt's Wisconsin Weezy took down Kevin Jones' Bannermen 131.58 to 89.92 on a 26.02 from Malik Willis and a 23.4 from Colston Loveland. Justin is still only 3-4, despite the third-best all-play record in the league at 62-29. His -0.253 luck delta is the second-worst. Kevin has lost three straight and sits at 24-67 in all-play, which is the other side of the same ledger.

The standings now show a 7-0 team with 1,138.66 points scored and a 0-7 team with 677.76. The interview request with the league office remains on file.