The league office has not set the 2026 rookie draft order. Whenever it does land, everything below is built the way it's always built when the record book is silent: reverse the 2025 standings, then follow the paper trail of every pick that's already changed hands. That paper trail, per league sources, is the actual story here.

Because somewhere between last August and this spring, Brian Jones — the manager of ShitCo Summer, 3-11, dead last in points scored — accumulated three first-round picks. Presumptively picks 1, 2, and 14. Nobody traded him a title. Somebody traded him three cracks at one.

A choice was made. Several, actually, by several other people, and Brian Jones is the only one who comes out of it looking like he knew what he was doing.

Presumptive Pick 1 — Brian Jones (own slot): Jeremiyah Love, RB, Arizona. The consensus No. 1 rookie in a superflex format lands on the worst team in the league, which is either poetic or just math. Jones already has Bucky Irving and six other running backs nobody's heard of. He doesn't need Love. He needed the best player left on the board, and got him for free by being bad at fantasy football in 2025.

Presumptive Pick 2 — Brian Jones (via Hunter Koepsell): Fernando Mendoza, QB, Las Vegas. Two picks, same manager, and now a rookie quarterback to pair with Cam Ward and C.J. Stroud on a roster that already had zero reason to draft a quarterback. Hunter Koepsell handed this pick away and I will not speculate on what he got back, because the fact pack won't tell me and I'm not McBoyle.

Presumptive Pick 3 — Chris Boyle (own slot): Carnell Tate, WR, Tennessee. Boyle's roster already runs three quarterbacks deep — Caleb Williams, Trevor Lawrence, Tyson Bagent — so the smart move here is exactly what he's presumptively doing: taking the best receiver on the board and letting the QB room sort itself out later, probably badly.

Presumptive Pick 4 — Kevin Jones (own slot): Jordyn Tyson, WR, New Orleans. Kevin Jones is drowning in running backs — Harvey, Henderson, Mixon, Monangai, Ford, Kendre Miller — so a receiver here is less a strategy than a hostage negotiation with his own bench.

Presumptive Pick 5 — Charlie Koepsell (own slot): Makai Lemon, WR, Philadelphia. Long Hair Dont Care is a roster built like a 2019 fantasy magazine — Kelce, Evans, Derrick Henry, DJ Moore. Lemon is the first genuinely young skill piece on that team in what feels like calendar years.

Presumptive Pick 6 — Jamie Sinn (own slot): Jadarian Price, RB, Seattle. Aaron Jones isn't getting younger and Jamie Sinn knows it. Price slides in as the eventual successor on a roster that otherwise looks fine at receiver.

Presumptive Pick 7 — Tareq Hafza (own slot): KC Concepcion, WR, Cleveland. Shadynasty already has Puka Nacua, Cooper Kupp, and Bijan Robinson, so this is closer to a status pick than a need pick. Concepcion joins a very good team and immediately becomes its least important asset.

Presumptive Pick 8 — Kevin Jones (via Elliott Simmonds): Ty Simpson, QB, L.A. Rams. Kevin Jones's second first-rounder, and his second straight pick that doesn't obviously address anything, since he's already rostering Josh Allen, Daniel Jones, and Jaxson Dart. Somewhere Elliott Simmonds is regretting a trade the fact pack won't let me fully reconstruct, and honestly, good.

Presumptive Pick 9 — Chris Boyle (via Joe Hamm): Kenyon Sadiq, TE, New York Jets. Boyle's second pick of the round, and his first that actually fills a hole — AJ Barner and Isaiah Likely is not a tight end room anyone should be proud of.

Presumptive Pick 10 — Ben Cunnion (own slot): Omar Cooper Jr., WR, New York Jets. Cunnion's tight end room is already a museum exhibit — Waller, Higbee, Gesicki, Pitts, Fannin — so the receiver here is the correct read even if it's not the flashiest one on the board.

Presumptive Pick 11 — Evan Sinn (own slot): Eli Stowers, TE, Philadelphia. Sinn's running back room is absurd — Achane, Dobbins, Montgomery, Kaleb Johnson — and his tight end situation is Mason Taylor plus a couple of veteran placeholders. Stowers is a quiet, sensible pick from a roster that doesn't need to be loud.

Presumptive Pick 12 — Ryan Weaver (own slot): Denzel Boston, WR, Cleveland. Bock Bock Bitch finished third and still gets to pick here, which tells you everything about how many first-rounders changed hands this spring. Weaver already has Justin Jefferson and George Pickens. This is best-player-available for a team that doesn't strictly need it, which is the Ryan Weaver house style.

Presumptive Pick 13 — Ryan Weaver (via Sean Gibbins): Jonah Coleman, RB, Denver. His second pick of the round. Weaver now presumptively owns two first-rounders from a 9-5 season, while Sean Gibbins — 10-4, second place — owns none. Somebody should ask Gibbins about that trade. Somebody being me, formally, in writing, for the fifteenth time this year, to an office that has never once written back.

Presumptive Pick 14 — Brian Jones (via Justin Waitt): Nicholas Singleton, RB, Tennessee. Jones's third first-round pick closes the round the same way it opened: another running back for a roster that already has plenty of them. He does get real help at receiver elsewhere on this roster — Terry McLaurin and Travis Hunter are already on it — but a third first-rounder spent on a position he didn't need is still a third first-rounder spent on a position he didn't need.

One last note before round two gets underway on a different day: Carson Beck falls out of the first round entirely on this board, a QB1-needy team's mistake to make whenever this actually happens. Justin Waitt, the reigning champion, doesn't own a single first-round pick of his own this spring — the trade log shows his pick landed with Brian Jones, closing out the round at 14. Elliott Simmonds, who put up 2,179.74 points last season and still watched the playoffs from the couch at 7-7, doesn't fare much better: his first-rounder is presumptively gone too, swallowed into Kevin Jones's double dip at picks 4 and 8. Some things really do carry over.