Fourteen teams. Zero games played. One man brave enough to rank them anyway, at length this time, because apparently a few sentences per franchise was not enough disrespect for some of you. Fine. My colleague McBoyle wrote four thousand attributed words about the rookie draft. I am going to do more damage in fourteen paragraphs, because rankings are not journalism. They are COURAGE with numbers on it. The champion is first, the luckiest man in the league is exactly where he belongs, and a 3-11 team is in my top four, which is either the boldest call of the preseason or the most obvious one. Check back in December when I claim it was obvious.

1. Wisconsin Weezy (Justin Waitt)

The champion, and not a cheap one. Waitt went 10-4 with 2,105.68 points, put 167.38 on Cunnion in the semifinal, then closed it out 152.60 to 125.78 in a final that stopped being interesting by the second quarter of the early games. The roster is built like a team that meant it: Jahmyr Gibbs and James Cook in the backfield, A.J. Brown and DK Metcalf outside, Jordan Love running the show. He paid for it, too. His first-round pick belongs to Brian and his second belongs to Hunter, so draft night will be a long lunch break. I have watched a hundred champions cash out and coast. This one bought jewelry with the money. Respect.

2. DELAWARE CHICKEN FARMER'S (Elliott Simmonds)

The best team of 2025 watched the playoffs from a couch, and I am still angry about it on his behalf. Read these numbers slowly: 2,179.74 points, most in the league. A 131-51 all-play, best in the league. A 7-7 record and a seventh-place finish, because the schedule decided to commit a crime and the luck number, minus 0.220, was the worst in the league. The roster remains a monster: Ashton Jeanty, Malik Nabers, Drake Maye, Trey McBride, Jaxon Smith-Njigba, with Shedeur Sanders stashed in the quarterback room. No first-round pick, Kevin owns it, and it will not matter. The universe pays its debts. Top line of the Believe List.

3. smg07f (Sean Gibbins)

Quietly 10-4, quietly 2,008.68 points, quietly into the final, which is the most this-team sentence I have ever written. The runner-up beat Weaver 149.78 in the semi and then ran into a buzzsaw, and nobody outside his own division could tell you a thing about the roster, which is exactly how he likes it: Christian McCaffrey and Alvin Kamara still producing, Davante Adams outside, Emeka Egbuka and Jayden Higgins as the youth movement. The problem wears a headset. Michael Penix and Kirk Cousins is a quarterback room with an expiration date in a format where quarterbacks are oxygen. Draft Ty Simpson or spend the season holding your breath.

4. ShitCo Summer (Brian Jones)

Yes, the team went 3-11. Yes, it scored 1,711.98 points, fewest in the league, with a 55-127 all-play that removes all doubt about deserving it. The name was a confession by November. None of that is why we're here. We're here because this franchise walks into the rookie draft holding THREE first-round picks, its own plus Hunter's plus the champion's, along with two seconds, in a class where Jeremiyah Love is sitting at the top like a gift with a bow on it. The shelf already holds Brock Bowers, Sam LaPorta, Bucky Irving, Travis Hunter, Cam Ward and C.J. Stroud. Worst to the bracket. BOOKMARK THIS POST. When it hits I will link it weekly.

5. Bock Bock Bitch (Ryan Weaver)

A 9-5 season, a semifinal trip, and the youngest core that actually did something with its youth: J.J. McCarthy at quarterback, Justin Jefferson as the crown jewel, Tetairoa McMillan and Cam Skattebo already producing, George Pickens and Garrett Wilson in the wings. That is five players you would build around, and the man also kept Baker Mayfield around for stability like a responsible adult. The semifinal loss to Sean, 149.78 to 125.82, was a scheduling inconvenience, not a verdict. Every arrow on this roster points up and to the right. The only thing missing from the profile is a signature December, and I am on record early: it comes this year.

6. bcunnion (Ben Cunnion)

The man finished third in this league, 94.92 over Weaver in the placing game, during the same December he was winning the entire Auction league. Winning in two leagues at once used to be a bit. It is now a lifestyle. The dynasty roster is sneaky deep at the spots that age well: Marvin Harrison and Nico Collins outside, Omarion Hampton and Breece Hall behind them, Tee Higgins for good measure, Mahomes at quarterback. His second-round pick belongs to the commissioner, a sentence I will let the beat reporters investigate. Sixth feels low for a man who cannot stop cashing December checks, and I still could not rank him higher. This league is deep and he knows what he did.

7. jamiesinn (Jamie Sinn)

Ja'Marr Chase is the best player on any roster in this league, full stop, and he is surrounded by actually useful pieces: Xavier Worthy, Tyler Warren, Travis Etienne, Chuba Hubbard, Calvin Ridley. So why is a 7-7 team with the league's best receiver parked at seventh? Walk into the quarterback room and count the birthdays. Jared Goff, Dak Prescott, Jimmy Garoppolo. In superflex that is not a room, it is a countdown clock with a nice view. He holds all his own picks, the class has two first-round quarterbacks plus Carson Beck lurking in the second tier, and this is the single most obvious draft-night assignment in the league. Take the quarterback, Jamie. Take two.

8. Evan Sinn (Evan Sinn)

Went 8-6, lost the opening playoff round to Cunnion by a 161.44 to 154.86 score that could have gone either way, then won the fifth-place game with 145.02 because winners win even when it means nothing. The roster is all grown-ups: CeeDee Lamb, De'Von Achane, Jaylen Waddle, Ladd McConkey, Brock Purdy and Tua at quarterback. Every piece is proven and none of it is cheap or young, which in dynasty is how you finish between fourth and seventh forever. He also never named his team, so the standings literally read Evan Sinn, the fantasy equivalent of wearing a name tag to your own family reunion. Full complement of picks. Zero excuses. Eighth with a bullet, either direction.

9. Bannermen (Kevin Jones)

A 7-7 season with a 90-91 all-play is the definition of the middle, and the middle is a lie here, because Kevin is holding two first-round picks, his own and Elliott's, in a draft where Carnell Tate and Jordyn Tyson should be sitting right where those picks live. Josh Allen anchors the quarterback room with Jaxson Dart developing behind him, and the young skill group of Rashee Rice, TreVeyon Henderson, RJ Harvey and Xavier Legette needs exactly one more hit to become a problem for everyone. The Game of Thrones name is the most committed bit in the league and I respect commitment. If Tate lands here, move him up four spots and pretend I always said it.

10. Shadynasty (Tareq Hafza)

The forgotten man of 2025 scored 2,012.38 points, fourth-most in the league, went 7-7 with an all-play of 108-74 that says the record undersold him, and then detonated 201.46 in Week 16, the highest single score of the entire postseason, in the consolation bracket, where achievements go to be witnessed by nobody. This is also the 2023 runner-up, so the ceiling is on film. Bijan Robinson and Saquon Barkley in one backfield, Puka Nacua outside, Matthew Golden incoming, Bo Nix and Jalen Milroe as the quarterback room. Tenth is disrespectful and I know it. Prove the schedule was the problem and I will personally escort this team into my top five.

11. jhamm89 (Joe Hamm)

Made the playoffs at 8-6 while posting a 64-118 all-play, dead last in the league, with a luck number of plus 0.220 that led the league by a comfortable margin. That is not a season, that is a heist with a parade. The foundation is legitimately enviable, Jayden Daniels AND Lamar Jackson in a superflex league is a cheat code, with Tyreek Hill, Chase Brown and Quinshon Judkins doing real work behind them. But his first-round pick belongs to the commissioner now, the schedule fairy has a memory, and regression does not care about your quarterback room. Eleventh is me being generous because the Daniels-Lamar pairing genuinely frightens me. The rest of it should frighten him.

12. Long Hair Dont Care (Charlie Koepsell)

Let the record show the proper respect: champion in 2023, champion in 2024, the only back-to-back winner this young league has ever produced. Now let the record show what happened next: 7-7, tenth place, out of the playoffs entirely, while the roster aged in real time. Travis Kelce, Derrick Henry, Mike Evans and George Kittle are all icons, and icons is what you call great players after the great part. Joe Burrow and Jonathan Taylor keep the lights on, Amon-Ra St. Brown is the one piece the next contender gets built around, and he holds three third-round picks to start the renovation. The dynasty is dead. I attended the funeral, I gave the eulogy, and I meant every word.

13. The Epitome of Brutality (Chris Boyle)

The commissioner's franchise went 4-10, finished twelfth, and posted the lowest single week in the league, a 75.20 in Week 8 that certain outlets on this very network somehow never found column inches for. What those outlets did cover, extensively, was the 158.22 to 98.58 consolation win in Week 17, described in print as momentum. It was Week 17. Credit where due: the office quietly stacked two first-round picks, its own and Joe's, plus Cunnion's second, and the young receiver room of Luther Burden, Isaiah Bond and Tory Horton is a real developmental base under Caleb Williams and Trevor Lawrence. The rebuild is actually on schedule. You will read that sentence somewhere else this week with three exclamation points and a quote.

14. hunterk4 (Hunter Koepsell)

Where do I start. The record: 3-11, tied for worst. The points: 1,879.92, which with average luck is a middle-of-the-pack team, and his minus 0.253 was the unluckiest number in the league, so there is genuine injustice here. But then there is the roster, where Jalen Hurts and Josh Jacobs carry a supporting cast of Aaron Rodgers, Austin Ekeler, Nick Chubb and Raheem Mostert, names that describe a fantasy dynasty the way a yearbook describes a reunion. And the draft can't save him: no first, no second of his own, just Waitt's second and change. Unlucky AND unarmed is the worst combination in this format. FINISHED, and I do not hand that word out. It has to be earned.

There it is, the first Dynasty board in the history of this network, filed before the rookie class has lockers and now with enough meat to feed the whole league chat. When the games start and the arrows start moving, remember whose name was on the preseason page. It was mine. It is always mine. BOOKMARK THIS.