Sleeper hasn't posted a single Week 1 box score to me yet, which either means the servers are slow or the league office is protecting someone. Given the seven interview requests I've filed with Chris Boyle since August, I'm not ruling out the second option. What I can tell you is who plays whom in Week 2, and what each of these fourteen teams was carrying into this season before a single rookie snapped a ball in anger.
Start with the matchup nobody in the league office wants publicized: Chris Boyle's Epitome of Brutality against Brian Jones's ShitCo Summer. Last year these two combined for a 4-10 finish from Boyle and a 3-11 finish from Jones, who posted a 55-127 all-play mark, the worst in the entire league by a wide margin. None of that misery plays Sunday. What plays Sunday is two rosters that spent all of 2025 losing to everybody, now losing to each other. Somebody has to win. I have no idea who.
Elliott Simmonds against Kevin Jones is the game I'm actually watching. Simmonds posted a 131-51 all-play record last season, comfortably the best in the league, against a luck delta of negative 0.22, second-worst in the league behind only Hunter Koepsell. He scored 2,179.74 points and finished seventh. That is not bad luck, that is a crime scene, and I've noted as much before. Jones finished 11th at 7-7 with numbers that were almost aggressively average across the board. If the universe owes Simmonds anything, this is a cheap place to start paying it back.
Ben Cunnion and Charlie Koepsell split the difference of a league that was mostly 7-7 and 8-6 last year, which is a polite way of saying nobody remembers this game happening in real time either. Cunnion finished 8-6 with 1,863.34 points, Koepsell 7-7 with 1,854.64. Competent, unglamorous, forgettable. Prove me wrong, gentlemen.
Hunter Koepsell drew Sean Gibbins, and on paper that's brutal timing. Gibbins finished second overall last year at 10-4 with 2,008.68 points. Hunter finished 13th at 3-11 and owned the single worst luck delta in the league, negative 0.253. If there's a manager in this league who deserves one clean week before the schedule starts eating him alive again, it's Koepsell. He is not going to get it against Gibbins.
Justin Waitt defends his title against Tareq Hafza's Shadynasty, a team that finished 7-7 with 2,012.38 points a year ago and a luck delta that ran slightly negative. Waitt won it all with zero rookie capital left in his cabinet, a point worth flagging again as the season goes on. Ryan Weaver, last year's 9-5 third-place finisher, gets Jamie Sinn, who finished 9th at 7-7. And Evan Sinn draws Joe Hamm, whose 8-6 record last year came attached to a 64-118 all-play mark, the widest gap in the league's favor between record and what his roster actually deserved. Hamm won a lot of close ones in 2025. Vegas would call that unsustainable. I'd just call it Tuesday in this league.
A choice was made by all fourteen of these managers over the offseason, and none of them told me what it was. We find out starting Sunday. Per league sources, that's as much as anyone will confirm on the record.